10,000 BC
Director: Roland Emmerich
Rated: M
Now screening


Despite Raquel Welch emerging from the caves in 1966's 'One Million Years BC', pre-historic films have been scarce. The inherent animalistic tribalism of the setting appears too tough a task to handle. No stranger to high octane visuals, director Roland Emmerich bravely picks up the mantle dragging audiences back to a time that land forgot. Unfortunately it appears a caveman's sharp spear is no match for a scriptwriter's neanderthal plotting.

D'Leh (Steven Strait) lives with his hunting tribe in the snowy mountains. After his village is ransacked by evil plunderers, he sets out to rescue his love Evolet (Camilla Belle) from their clutches. Trekking across harsh lands he comes across several tribes who join him in his quest. Eventually discovering a lost civilisation overseen by an evil hooded warlord the heroic clan decide to free their people forever by destroying his power.

Roland Emmerich is a modern director who loves excess. Although starting with a small simple rescue tale, the film morphs into an outlandish adventure defying serious scrutiny. Using a miniscule smattering of fact Emmerich injects his yarn with eye-popping effects and head-spinning ludicrousness. With D'Leh's tribe beneficiaries of perfect dreadlocked hair and white teeth, it appears vanity began in the Stone Age. This first glimpse tells everything audiences need to know about upcoming events with genuine history discarded in favour of mindless adventure.

As with any effects extravaganza, the film looks fantastic. The various creatures and action are well realised with some truly stunning work near the conclusion. The screenplay is bereft of any tension heavily borrowing from Indiana Jones, et al. It's sad that Emmerich isn't brave enough to give the film its own identity padding things out with an endless chase-capture scenario. The film is on auto-pilot by the time our heroes arrive at a pyramid building site. This section is by far the silliest and unintentionally hilarious part with the outrageous hammy acting reaching epic proportions.

Cavemen used to tell stories on the walls of their dwellings. These days Hollywood directors use their own canvas to spin tales. With ancient stories standing the test of time it's doubtful this ridiculous nonsense will have any place in earth's long history.

Patrick Moore