Ape Escape 3
Playstation 2
Sony Europe


Has there ever been a game about monkeys that wasn't totally, completely, jaw-droppingly life-affirmingly joystick-eatingly awesome? I think not. I've tried to find one and I just can't, and 'Ape Escape'... well... it's... it's 'Ape Escape'... ah 'Ape Escape'... Oh you yummy-scrummy adorable little monkey bastard, you. It's one of those games, you either love it or you've never heard of it. For those that know it, all I need to say is Yes, it's the same deal. Same crazy-ass story, same GENIUS use of the dual-analogue controller, same basic game mechanic, with more monkeys, and more cool stuff. For those that don't know, this could take a little longer.

In short, 'Ape Escape' is, basically, 'Metal Gear Solid' for kids. More accurately, it's 'Metal Gear Solid' without the guns, the blood, the absurd patriotism or the dirty jokes. With monkeys. Since we all know (this I simply have to assume) that 'Metal Gear Solid' is The Mostest Awesomest Game Like Totally Ever, you may see my difficulty in trying to review a game that is equally entertaining, inventive, and has as much capital-V Value as MGS, without resorting to a string of idyllic hyperbole, overstatement, and way too many commas, waaay too many. So I won't. I'll just give you the facts and scream at you to GO GET IT! Just see if I don't.

Here's the skinny: You play one of two giant-eyed, impossible-haired anime-children. For some reason, I forget what and it really doesn't matter, you are an elite agent for the Naughty-Monkey-Task-Force, or something like that. In any case, the apes have, as the saying goes, escaped. You've got to catch them. This game has four hundred monkeys in it. In order to catch them all you will need your Monkey Net, Stun Club, Monkey Radar, ultra-fast Hoola Hoop, Slingshot, personal Pocket-Helicopter, Radio Controlled Car, and some kind of thing that you use for swimming, which is, I might add, also very cool. Added to this, you can transform for brief periods into various super-morph presto-change-o alter-egos, these being the Fantasy Knight, the Wild West Kid, the Miracle Ninja, the Genie Dancer, the Dragon Kung Fu Fighter, the Cyber Ace, or the Super Monkey, just in case you're not getting enough simian stimulation already. But that's not all... oooh no. You will drive racing cars, boats, tanks, mechs, and... heaps of other crazy shit, all of which is (insert overstated hyperbole here). In twenty-seven distinct environments, each of which is a parody of a Hollywood blockbuster. With four hundred monkeys.

That's it, now I'm off to go play it again, so stop wasting my time and GO GET IT!

Ryan Davidson