Rod Quantock.
 In order to satisfy the grandiose immoderation of the title and subject of his new show 'Australia!', one deems Rod Quantock ought to, as a compulsory precondition, be able in some way to prove his nationalistic credentials, and one need look no further than the fashion in which he treats his dogs for such evidence.
"I'm trying to teach them to be Kangaroos, but they won't have it," he says, swinging between pride and shame. "Well, actually one a Kangaroo and one an Emu."
Quantock says that a similar sort of forced cultural assimilation will be a feature of his show, the inspiration being the example set by the eternal model Australian, John Howard.
"It'll be quite historical. I'll be a 'coalition-of-the-willing' history teacher. We're taking up John Howard's challenge of teaching the non-black-armband view of history to Australians. So it's all about Don Bradman, and the magnificent work he did at Gallipoli."
In all seriousness, though, it seems the show will concern Australia in some way, especially if the starched old British-naval-esque costume Quantock wears on his poster is anything to go by.
"We think it's a very accurate representation of how somebody on the first fleet dressed, down to the buttons," he observes.
But when asked if it will be worn during the show, he replies, in a rare tone of un-patriotism, "Uhh, no, I gotta tell you, they aren't that comfortable," regaining his posture by adding "If people conquered this nation, and subdued the Aboriginals, and built the Snowy River project wearing those costumes, they have double my admiration - and I'm with John on that. There's no black-armband view of history if people built a nation wearing that nonsense."
He admits, then, that he was "just trying to get something a bit more glamorous - a little Brad Pitt I suppose, or Johnny Depp; that sort of handsome devil-may-care look."
Apart from the eye-candy of the Quantock physique, audiences will enjoy a vast range of delectable additives that will, he maintains, set his piece apart from the rest of the festival.
"There's a very, very large map of Australia that I've got, and I think it's made of Perspex," he blurts with unbridled aplomb.
"And it's got lights behind it and can change colour, now how good is that? Now look, really, it's sort of like the 'Lion King' without the music, that's the level of spectacle.
He adds: "The seats are very comfortable at the Nova, they're probably the most comfortable seats of any venue in the Festival, so particularly for people who have already seen one or two shows sitting on something bizarre and horrible, mine's a great place to come and retreat. It's like a sauna without the heat, or like the gold-lounge cinema, and I think you can get popcorn - how many other shows at the festival can you get popcorn at? There are many, many benefits.
"But it could be crap."
Wil McGinley
 | Rod Quantock shows off his spiffy 'Hello Sailor' suit in 'Rod Quantock's Australia' at the Nova Cinema from Tues March 7 |
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