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Puff 'n' Stuff.
Adelaide events are like buses: nothing happens for months,
then suddenly you've got an Arts Festival and its accompanying
Fringe, an international world music event, a car race, a horse
race and several sporting events of some note, a state election
and weekly issues of dB Magazine all in the one hit. How's a
person to cope? Well, valued sentence consumer, you can get
the edge-living-on, envelope-the-max-pushing, box-outside-the-of-thinking
advantage thanks to the latest product from the loving, caring
team of chemists, bioengineers, geneticists and evil hunchbacks
that labour all the year 'round in Puff Labs creating the pharmaceuticals
of tomorrow for today's go-go South Australian. Our latest pick-me-up
in the popular "Teeth-Grinding Head Rush" range is the zippily
titled "Festicilan" (trademarked as "Pufficontin", and under
CSIRO investigation under its original label of "Poisoncide-trideathalyne-killsprin").
Thanks to the very latest in brain chemistry research and Puff
Labs' unholy dabblings in the occult, Festicilan allows the
South Australian event enthusiast to stay awake and relatively
sane for up to four weeks with few ill effects (although those
few ill effects are, it should be noted, hilarious).
Imagine: you'll be able to catch every single thing that's going
on over this exciting period; and thanks to Festicilan's unique
frontal lobe-searing properties, relive those memories over
and over again until they rise to a hellish crescendo of jumbled
punchlines, half-remembered riffs and explosive bursts of physical
theatre. And you can be sure that 100% of your money is going
to supporting local henchmen, local minions and local half-man-half-bat
creatures since Puff Labs is entirely Australian owned; although,
for tax purposes, the head offices are officially based in Atlantis.
And it's all thanks to Puff Labs: where the genetic abnormalities
and birth defects of tomorrow are the profit centres of today!
That demented rock'n'roll juggernaut we know as Patriarchal
Death Machine are launching their long awaited debut CD and
then... er, splitting up. Well, for a while at least while people
go overseas and things - in any case, get along and commiserate/celebrate
with them at the Crown & Anchor Hotel on Fri 3 March with Stolen
Youth and Before It All Ends.
Now, Puff's pretty unflappable when it comes to potty mouthed bad boys of rock who think that it's big and clever to swear - indeed, Puff's genteel conversation has been compared unfavourably with that of a drunken longshoreman - and is a violent opponent of censorship in all of its forms. It's fear, plain and simple. That's why Puff was delighted to get word about the imminent CD launch for 'Too Shit For Metal, But Too Good For Punk Rock', the debut disc for The Fu... er, "Fudge" Machine who are holding an all-ages 4pm show at the Crown & Anchor on Sun 12 March with Rott In "Wee Wee", The Inbreds, Dom & The Tuff "Lady Parts" and I'm Gonna "Freaking" Kill You. Freedom of speech, that's what Puff's all about.
Those Save & Exit folks reckon that 2006 has them written all
over it, and to prove it they're holding their own little rock
show at the Enigma Bar on Fri 3 March with Move To Strike, Day
On Fire and The City Riots (which is made up of former bits
of Tokyo Story).
Much loved locals The Rest are absolutely, positively, no-fooling calling it a day but are going out in style with three nights at the Wheatsheaf Hotel: get along for laughs, tears, memories and, time permitting, a few songs on Thurs 2 March, Fri 3 March and the final hurrah on Sat 4 March.
Stuff from Puff: Now that most of the successful bands have
reformed, it's time for the less-than-stellar artists to follow
suit. Oh-yeah-I-think-I-remember-their-name-from-the-NME-once
sorts Midget have announced via their MySpace site that they've
agreed to do something at some point in the future, probably
(how could they have not become household names with that sort
of resolute, steely determination?), while several ex-members
of Britpop never-quites Marion have formed an as-yet-unnamed
band that looks suspiciously like Marion... Of course,
bands that people cared about are reforming too, a claim substantiated
by the announcement that Alice In Chains are playing at Austria's
upcoming Nova Rock festival. No word yet on whether there'll
be a replacement for late frontman Layne Staley, who toddled
off this mortal coil in 2002, or if guitarist Jerry Cantrell
will be rockin' the mic... US rock folks
Finch, meanwhile, have declared that they're taking an - sing
it with Puff, kids! - indefinite hiatus. "Amongst the many reasons
for our decision, our priorities just lie in different places,"
they explain at their website. And as Puff has long said: you
can't reform without splitting up... Similarly Test Icicles
- who, you may remember, were denying split rumours a scant
couple of issues ago - have announced their split. Yeah, indie
bands, Puff can read you like a tattered paperback...
UK indie sorts The Departure - or, as Puff might describe them,
The Marion Of Today - haven't split up yet, but guitarist/vocalist
Lee Irons has left the band. A lesser columnist would have said
"has departed the band", but those sort of lame attempts at
humour are beneath Puff: it's all wry wordplay and the occasional
fart joke around here... It's fourth time lucky for Lisa
Marie Presley, who tied the knot with her producer Michael Lockwood
on Sun 22 Jan in Japan. This means that the current scores for
celebrities vs unknown husbands are now level at two-all, with
Lockwood joining Danny Keogh against celebrity exes Nicolas
Cage and Michael Jackson. Puff's predicts the tie-breaking fifth
marriage in around 2012... Gary Glitter's
trial for committing obscene acts with two underage girls in
Vietnam is set to begin on Thurs 2 March and is expected to
last two days. If convicted he can expect to spend somewhere
between three and seven years in jail, which is still presumably
preferable to the death penalty he'd have faced if authorities
hadn't dropped his child rape charges due to lack of evidence...
Bi-lingual indie kids, rejoice: the likes of Franz Ferdinand,
Portishead, Cat Power, Jarvis Cocker, Tricky, Marc Almond and
Placebo have contributed tracks to 'Monsieur Gainsbourg Revisite',
a tribute record to the mighty Serge Gainsbourg. His occasional
muse Francoise Hardy and long time partner Jane Birkin also
appear, which gives the whole thing that extra gravitas, non?...
While Pink Floyd are definitely not playing
together again, the four main players will be working together
shortly - well, sort of: bassist Roger Waters has confirmed
that drummer Nick Mason will be performing with him when he
presents the entire 'Dark Side Of The Moon' album live in France
mid-year, while keyboardist Rick Wright will be part of the
backing band for guitarist David Gilmour when he tours his upcoming
solo album... And Korn are sticking it to the man by
just having, um, a street named after them in their hometown.
Yes, motorists in Bakersfield California are now able to drive
- and, one imagines, park - on Korn Row, which is both a sad
indictment of the assimilation of a supposedly counterculture
band and a terrible, terrible pun. Whooo!
The folks at the Garden Of Unearthly Delights are pretty damn
chuffed with their best weekend ever - which isn't entirely
surprising, what with all the good things happening there. For
that reason, Puff expects another successful week since there's
so freakin' much going on, from La Clique to The Burlesque Hour,
sideshows, the mighty Ferris wheel and a tonne of things at
the Famous Speigeltent, including Even (Thurs 2 March), Stephen
Cummings (Fri 3 March), Dave Graney & Clare Moore (Sat 4 March),
Mick Thomas & The Sure Thing (Mon 6 March) and Colin Hay (Tues
7 March). Neat!
And things Unearthly and Gardenian will get all the more delightful with the opening of The Bosco Theatre, with Mikelangelo & The Black Sea Gentlemen presenting their 'Kabaret Noir' (described as "hilarious" and "nightmarish", which is the sort of combination Puff enjoys) show each night until Sun 5 March.
The winners of the 2006 SAMI Awards were announced on Wed 23
Feb and Puff is throwing down mad shapes and saying "much respect"
to the likes of Blow Up Betty (with three awards for Best Emerging
Artist, Best Pop Act and Best Alternative Rock Act), Jessica
In Pieces (Best Metal Act), The Yearlings (Best Australiana
Act), the Fraud Millionaires (Best World Music act, which Puff
reckons requires a pretty broad definition of the term "world
music"), Munchkin (Best Electronica Act), Kineman Karma (Best
Indigenous Act) and Third Best (Best Regional Act), while Liability
Of My Own took out Best Punk Act, The Casio Brothers scored
Best Dance Act, Poetikool Justice were declared Best Hip-Hop
Act, AC/DC enthusiasts Bon'N'All won Best Covers Act, Mere Theory
took out the Best Video/DVD gong for 'You Will Never Win' and
the Leigh StarDust/Brillig collaboration on their cover of David
Bowie's Fashion was declared the Best Album Release (a confusing
choice since, if Puff's memory serves, it was a three track
single). Puff also sends the maddest of mad props to the Grace
Emily's genial publican and fervent live music enthusiast Greg
"Clanger" Klanjens, who took the industry award for Contribution
To The Industry. Word, talented SA types: word to all of your
mothers.
Don't forget that US indie rock types Pretty Girls Make Graves and The Gossip are a-coming to Adelaide for a show at Jive on Wed 1 March with locals My Sister The Cop.
Want to see the future of rock'n'roll? They'll be at the East
End Exchange on Wed 1 March for the Fuse On Stage Export Ready
Showcase: FourPlay, Legless, Sophie Koh, Worldfly, Pharaohs,
Little Ice Age, The Panda Band, True Live and The Boat People
will be joined by the two winners of the Triple J Light Your
Fuse competition: Melbourne's Dallas Frasca and local kids Before
The Aftermath. Future! Future! Future!
If Puff was to list every single band that was playing at the Fuse On Stage showcases on Thurs 2 March then the column would be done and Puff could take a well-deserved early minute for once. However, we shan't be doing that since you can check out every venue and band in this issue's gig guides (or, as we refer to it around these parts, the Fridge - for that's where you're meant to stick it each issue so you can refer to it whilst grabbing some milk, or ice, or an apple that's really seen better days but is the only thing left, and think "say - look at all these gigs I should be out there attending!" Just in case you were wondering). However, Puff will point out that there are a) tonnes of shows happening that night, and b) feature the talented likes of Leigh StarDust, Kasavett, Poly & The Statics, Kineman Karma, The Yearlings, Fear Of Flying, Supaphatass, 200 Motels, The Central Deli Band, Krysalis and The Casio Brothers. So consider yourself informed.
Puff will also make unbiased mention of Brillig, who will be
shamelessly bribing their Thurs 2 March audience with an exclusive
single of their new track Truth Or Dare. Marketing tool, or
bare-faced payola? Get along to the Crown & Anchor and make
up your own mind.
Waiting For Guinness are coming our way - somewhat unsteadily, one imagines - with an equation that adds jazz, cabaret, vaudeville, spaghetti western and more, yet adds up to "sass". Catch them at Higher Ground (the former IMAX cinema that's now the Fringe Club) each night from Wed 1 March to Sun 5 March.
The Northern Territory bring their finest exponents to the (slightly)
bigger smoke via the 'True North' showcase spearheaded by funksters
Neo (who feature former local boy and Close Call frontman Crafty
these days), acoustic duo Sasha & Leah, roots goove chap Timmy
Marten, fractured jazz ensemble Jigsaw, d'n'b'didge trio eMDee
and electro sorts Cooperblack (featuring former Violets guitarist
Jeremy Conlon, Adelaide 90s indie enthusiasts). Each show features
the Neo experience, with Fowler's Live hosting them on Wed 1
March (with Mr Marten), Thurs 2 March (with Jigsaw) and Fri
3 March (with Cooperblack). Then Neo move to the East End Exchange
to play on Sun 5 March (with Jigsaw and Sasha & Leah) and Sun
12 March (wuth Mr Marten). Got all that? Excellent!
Twee pop duo Jane vs World are making their debut visit to launch their '56k Hearts' disc amidst all the comedy and goings-on at the Rhino Room on Fri 3 March.
Henry Rollins told the 'NY Post' he got a call from Australian
authorities after a flight to Brisbane from NZ. The passenger
next to him saw the tattooed hulk reading Ahmed Rashid's best-seller,
'Jihad: The Rise Of Militant Islam In Central Asia', and contacted
authorities after the flight. Hank explains he plays a lot of
US military bases "because soldiers are my heroes". Don't be
alarmed - be a lert.
The Prince of Darkness aka Ozzy Osbourne is now being used on
satellite navigation systems in the UK. You can have Da Ozz
screaming advice such as "In 400 metres you will have reached
your fucking destination" or you can get the bleeped version
for when you take Grandma out (who was probably hanging backstage
after each 'Sabbath gig in a miniskirt and thigh high boots...
but you really don't want to go there).
Yes, Puff knows you're tired and hungover and smell like someone
stuffed your coat with rats; but that's barely an excuse for
you to not to shake the plaster and brick dust from your hair,
drop another handful of Festicilan and...
Get Out Of The House!
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