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Laura Penny,
author of 'Your Call Is Important To Us: The Truth About Bullshit'
 Canadian scholar, teacher and writer Laura Penny's book, 'Your Call Is Important To Us: The Truth About Bullshit' takes on bafflegab and waffle in all its multitudinous forms. Among her targets are advertising firms, corporate entities and, most saliently, the politicians and political climate that allow bullshit to flourish unchecked. What these people do is pretty bad, Penny contends, and then they compound their sin by lying about it too.
Given the accusations and invective she levels at the PR and marketing industries, I wonder how Penny's own publicist feel about her? "She's been lovely, actually. I do find it very ironic that you write this book about 'grrr, PR' and then you're rewarded with three publicists. It makes me feel kind of funny. And of course there have been ads for the book. I can't expect to pull myself up above the entire culture. If I want to get the message out there I have to have a publicist. And my publicist at Scribe is a wonderfully no-bullshit Australian who doesn't publicise books she doesn't love... You have to play the game. I suppose I could have produced it myself on hemp with vegetable ink and handed it out on street corners, but the only way to reach a broad audience is to play the publishing game."
Penny has other good things to say about no-bullshit Australians. "One of the things I've really enjoyed about being in Australia is that you guys seem to hate politicians more than any other nation on the face of the earth. There's definitely a well-ingrained hate of politics and politicians in the States, it's right there in the founding documents, things like 'Common Sense' by Thomas Paine, the idea that government is not your pal. Canadians tend to be a little more receptive toward government, because we actually get things out of it, like we can walk into hospitals with impunity, which is nice. Nice not to go bankrupt because you had a heart attack, nice not to live in a psycho Darwinist capitalist regime. But here - you guys can't stand any of them, can you?"
Another comparatively positive thing about Australia - and I never thought I'd hear anyone say this - is our advertising industry. "My body clock is totally off, so I've been watching gobs of late-night TV and I've seen that you don't have the hardcore American prescription drug ads. Which are the ones which really crack me up, because the first twenty seconds are all about how this drug's going to change your life and the last ten seconds are 'Oh yeah, and it might make you go blind or have a heart attack or spontaneously combust.' It's doubly disingenuous when you think about the level of moral panic and hysteria about other drugs. Just the other month the Supreme Court in the States struck down all nine states which had medical marijuana statutes saying that if you're a cancer patient or and AIDS patient or you have multiple sclerosis or any disease this is good for you were welcome to buy marijuana and medicate yourself. But the Supreme Court struck it down a couple of months ago, and now they're actually busting compassionate use. It's a lovely image, isn't it? DEA drug warriors in riot gear going into a room full or palsied, cancerous, wasting-away people and rounding them up. And part of the reason why that's so is that one of the lobby groups that keeps that drug policy is Big Pharma. That's what cracks me up about all these awful anti-drug ads is that they're largely funded by tobacco, alcohol and prescription drug companies. "Don't use THEIR drugs!". And the other thing that really blows my mind is "oh, we don't have any scientific evidence [about medical marijuana's healing properties]." Really? I would think that five thousand years of usage would be sufficient evidence. My own clinical trials agree. I'm not a scientist, but..." But 'Big Pharma', to use Penny's phrase, uses science very selectively. "Oh yeah, absolutely. There's such a hypocrisy about it. And what's more is that it has very little to do with the actual drugs. There's a member of the Bush family - I believe she's one of Jeb's daughters - named Noelle Bush, who is a huge crackhead. She's been in and out of rehab, she's been arrested for possession of crack - and crack is of course the most abject of American drugs - and she's never going to do any jail time. But some black kid in a ghetto who gets picked up with a vial is off to the big house with the largest incarcerated population in the world. Land of the free, home of the brave."
The divorce between discourse and reality is not limited to the advertising industry: if anything, it's even more yawning in politics. "It's mindblowing, it really is. I had the, er, pleasure of watching the Republican National Convention before the elections - my American editor thinks I'm a crazy masochist, 'cause I always read these right-wing messageboards and watch these huge horrible public spectacles, and she's like 'I don't know how you do it' and I'm like 'Well, you know, I have this special stick to bite on, and I've grown accustomed to the feeling of having mini-strokes from rage' - but, yeah, the RNC was amazing, it was a whole new level of propaganda. One of the big complaints about John Kerry throughout the election, one of the big allegations, the talking points which the Republicans hammered home, was that he was a 'flip-flopper', because he changed his mind, which is heretical in the current American political culture. In the current American political culture the only values which seem to matter are resolve and staying the course, no matter how bloody wrong that course happens to be. At the rally, the flip-flop - you guys call it the thong, and what we call thongs you call g-strings, I've straightened all that out - so anyway, the whole crowd had been provided with flip-flops, with thongs, and they were all waving them in the air, chanting 'flip-flop, flip-flop'. It was like something out of a Leni Riefenstahl movie, only lame, only goofy."
Governmental bullshit is used to obscure facts as well as incite emotions, as attested by the rapidly-cycling series of motives for the Iraq invasion. "They just keep moving the goalposts. At first it was that Saddam was basically a Hitler, and he would destroy us all. I got a big kick out of that one: 'Oh, okay, so he's like Hitler? Then I guess you guys are going to sit on your asses for the next couple of years while the British, Canadians and Australians die in trenches and then step in once something actually happens to you. That would be fine.' There are always these weird distortions of history that go on in these cases. Once the WMD thing crapped out it turned into this glorious crusade for freedom and democracy. The thing that's amazing about the States is that on the one hand they're totally interventionist - they want to reshape the Middle East - and on the other hand they're completely isolationist."
Penny has an excellent example of this insularity: "I taught in Buffalo, NY for a couple of years while I was working on my Ph.D. coursework, and Buffalo is right on the Canadian-US border, to the point where the street signs in Buffalo say 'Canada - that way'. And my students would ask me the most hilarious questions about Canada. 'Do you guys have television in Canada?' I'd be like, 'Yeah, but you only get one, and it comes from the government, and it only shows the government channel.' And they'd freak out! They'd be like 'What! If that happened here, there'd be rioting in the streets!' I'm like, 'I'm kidding. We get all your lousy TV, don't worry. I've made 18 'Simpsons' references this term, didn't you catch that?' I had a student say once - I thought this was very revealing - and he wasn't being an ass, he wasn't being belligerent, he wasn't being jingoistic or anything, he just said, very matter-of-factly, 'This is the best country in the world'. So I asked him, 'What other countries have you been to?' 'Well, why would I go to any other country? This is the best country in the world.' That attitude goes all the way to the top. One of the things I dislike the most about Bush, and I have a seemingly infinite number of things to dislike about the man, is that he never really left the country 'til he became President. He went for a few rounds of whores and drinking - before he got his Jesus on - in Mexico, but he never really travelled abroad until he had to in his capacity as leader of the free world. That just strikes me as - maybe it's envy on my part, as the poor child who had to join the school band to get trips to places - just staggering that someone with all that money and all those connections, who could literally get a private plane to any place on the planet, would be so incurious and so insular that it wouldn't even occur to him to do that. I think that says a lot about the man, and a lot about where America's at right now."
This enmity might be mutual: "They can't stand us [Canada] right now." Well, you did just legalise gay marriage! "Yeah, I know. We're a bunch of - it's fun to read those right-wing messageboards because they always say these delightful things about my homeland - we're basically a bunch of communists, homo-loving potheads. And we've been having a lot of trade disputes with them, and they're very upset that we sat out the last war. To the point, actually, where Bush came to my home town, Halifax, Nova Scotia. When 9/11 happened, and they had to take all the planes out of the air, they diverted a lot of them to Halifax, so there were all these people stranded. And the very nice people in my city were extremely hospitable and welcoming, set up shelters in school gyms, got clean clothes for people, food and all that. Something that people were totally happy to do; we're friendly people. So Bush came to see us in November of last year, ostensibly to thank us for our hospitality. He was kind enough to bring his own snipers and whatnot. The way the event was managed and staged, a couple of the families who helped out were invited. One family who had helped out were disinvited because it was discovered that they did not like his policies or the man. And it's impossible to get into any kind of Bush event if you don't basically sign a loyalty oath. You just can't get in if you don't agree with him, right? That's the cover charge. So basically it was just a big photo op. A lot of local political hacks were there, rich business dudes were there, and a token smattering of families who were actually helpful were there. So he spent the first five minutes of the speech talking about the historic kinship between Canadians and Americans and how nice it was of us to let everybody sleep over for a couple of days. And then he spent the rest of the speech basically chastising us for not getting involved in his ill-considered adventure. Thanks a lot. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. And there was a pretty sizeable protest against him, because, you know, we don't really care for him." Maybe that's why he was so cross with Canada ..."It's not like he saw it! The protesters were not allowed anywhere near the event. We were hundreds and hundreds of yards away, we could barely make out the motorcade in the distance as it whizzed by. He made a little joke about how nice it was to see everybody by the side of the road waving with all five fingers, which is the joke he makes all the time. But that's not how I'd been waving."
In 'Your Call...,' there's a chilling quote from an unnamed Republican staffer about how the party is establishing world, free from petty considerations like 'facts': "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality." "That article was in the 'New York Times' in October and I strongly encourage everybody to read it, because it's totally - wow. You can't make that shit up. And you can see it too in the fact that every moderate Republican who was part of the administration has been marginalised or kicked out, people like Colin Powell, who was not nearly resolved enough for Bush's liking." While Bush's party have moved themselves even further right, has the rest of the political climate followed suit? "Oh, God, discourse has moved so far to the right. It's amazing how successful [the Right have] been at redefining commonly-used terms. The big one for me is 'liberal'. Australia, Canada, the US, these are all countries formed with liberal Enlightenment principles: democracy, free speech, free market and all that good stuff. The good old liberal tradition of individual freedom and responsibility. And now 'liberal' is synonymous with 'treasonous American-hater'. It's really sad. It's appalling that they call themselves 'conservative'. Traditionally, conservatives have been all about maintaining the status quo, having respect for tradition. This is not the least bit conservative: this is extremely radical. They're taking apart the New Deal piece by piece. Income inequality is back to where it was in 1929. Way to go!"
'Conservative' fiscal politics have gone hand-in-hand with 'conservative' moral philosophy, too, specifically a return to hardline Christian fundamentalism. "They make these speeches about Islamic theocracy when no American political speech can go five minutes without a nod to Jesus or God or whoever...America is the most technologically advanced country, a leader in global scientific research, and yet you look at these public opinion polls and 80% of Americans believe in the Virgin Birth and 30% believe in evolution. Evolution is not something you believe in. Just this last month Bush said point blank that he wanted - and this is, remember, the president who defined himself as the education president, which is hi-fucking-larious - he's gone on the record saying that we should be teaching intelligent design, which is basically creationism in a lab coat. As though those things were at all commensurate. It's like teaching alchemy in a chemistry class. It's absolutely ridiculous that that position is given credence." It's the hypocrisy that troubles Penny the most: "I can get behind a group of people like the Amish. At least the Amish are consistent. They're not using any technology, they're keeping it real. But it's really galling and baffling to see someone who drives an SUV, watches TV, has all the modern conveniences, completely turn their backs on science." The belief-system they put in the place of science is fundamentally flawed, too: "The theology's so bloody distorted. Tony Kushner's play 'Angels In America' has this lovely line, 'Anything less than 5000 years old is a cult.' I was raised Catholic - it obviously didn't take - and there's a sense that these religious beliefs have a history to them. But this weird evangelism is very selective, this hyper - I wouldn't even call it Protestantism, I don't think Martin Luther would recognise it - it's strange. If you actually look at the Bible you'll see that there's a lot more stuff about the rich and the poor, for example, than there is about making an ass of yourself in front of an abortion clinic or thwarting gay people. And there's the good old 'judge not lest ye be judged', that seems to have gone out the window. It's a very selective theology, let's just put it that way."
Not even the hallowed halls of academia are safe from the encroachment of right-wing ideologues. "Now that [the Right] have the judiciary, all branches of government, and a goodly chunk of the media totally cowed and compliant, we're next," Penny says. In 'Your Call...' she mentions the American Council of Trustees and Alumni (ACTA), led by Second Lady Lynne Cheney. The ACTA issued a report taking US colleges to task for promoting anti-Americanism, a report recently parroted by Australian Treasurer Peter Costello in an attack on the 'tenured radicals' of Australian universities. "That fucking cracks me up. This group is a riot. Oh, Lynne Cheney. I guess you've had to lie with Dick all these years, but still! The 'Blame America First' report, the one about all the seditious university professors, I found it deeply amusing. First of all, if I had that kind of power, I would be the first to gloat about it. If I could actually wield as much sway from my lectern as a lobbyist or politician, I'd be doing a fucking dance in the town square, that would be great. But I don't, I really don't. If I did, I would know. And what's more - yeah, okay, universities skew a little left on the current American political dial - no-one ever asks, 'Why is it that the people who have devoted themselves to learning and knowledge don't agree with you?' Nobody ever asks that question. They just assume that it's a Stalinist vanguard, that we're all these horrible neo-Marxists. Which is really not the case. In the Humanities, sure, people tend to be a little more liberal, if not lefties, so there's a difference there. But, again, why is that so? Is it because reading books and having a sense of history makes you think that these ideas suck? That's my conclusion."
I suggest that the reason the Left won't come out and say this is because they're afraid of seeming elitist. "[The Right have] done a wonderful job of beating everyone with the elitist stick. And of course in any sort of American political debate I would be characterised as an elitist. Which would be news to my blue-collar parents. And to me." I'm sure her parents would be delighted that their daughter has finally made it . "'Yay! We're big-time now! We're the elite!'" Penny laughs. " It's a ridiculous conception that is entirely divorced from who actually pulls the strings and has the real power. That's what I thought elite was. It's an anti-intellectualism, at bottom, that's what it is. That's doubly ironic, when you consider the fact that Bush is surrounded by Ph. Ds: Wolfowitz, Cheney, all those guys. He's surrounded by incredibly educated people. And I don't think he's as stupid as he pretends to be. What comes across as dumb or inarticulate to the rest of the world, I think it's purposeful, I think it's a strategy. There was this great article a while ago, a reporter had gone back and watched the tapes from when Bush was running for Governor of Texas, and he talks just fine. He really does. He speaks much more clearly than he does now. I think he's a very incurious man, I think he's a man for whom the world begins and ends somewhere in Texas, but he's certainly not stupid. He's very shrewd. And he's surrounded by a cadre of people who are technically brilliant. It's amazing that they can maintain such disdain for the life of the mind."
Other critics of governmental, advertising and corporate bullshit (for instance, leftists Barbara Ehrenreich and, most notably, Francis Wheen, whose book 'How Mumbo-Jumbo Conquered The World' takes on many of Penny's targets, albeit in a less witty and more pompous way) are equally critical, as are many right-leaning commentators, of postmodern theory. I wondered how Penny, as someone whose background is in English, feels. "[Critics of theory] tend, first of all, to treat it as though it were a monolith. There are slightly different writing styles. It's easy to take potshots at theory, I think, very easy, because a lot of theory is bad. If you think Derrida's bad, you should see his acolytes." The main criticism levelled at postmodern theory is that its language is too complex and impenetrable. "I don't think Foucault is any harder to read than a magazine: he's actually quite an elegant writer. Derrida's a hard go, fuck yeah, but I don't think Derrida's any more difficult than your mortgage... It is a specialised academic discipline. Try going over to the Physics department and demanding clarity. Nobody goes to the Chemistry department and says, why are you so fucking obscure? I find that objectionable, and, moreover - okay, there is some theory which is recursive and circular and navel-gazing -to dismiss the whole is to engage in a sort of knee-jerk anti-intellectualism. There are some things that are difficult to understand. There are some questions that seem to be fundamentally unanswerable - since the bloody Greeks! As tough as it is to read Derrida, I think he is engaged in his own legitimate little philosophical enterprise. I find it much more egregious that your mortgage company and your insurance company would use language that is just as obfuscating, because that strikes me as a deliberate self-interested obfuscating. The intention is really different."
The media, the legendary 'fourth estate' of democratic freedom, seems to have completely abrogated its responsibility to hold government up to scrutiny: most news channels and papers rely increasingly on 'soft news', insight-free 'factoids' and, in some cases (NewsCorp, I'm looking at you) function purely as a government propaganda-disseminating machine. It seems, as Penny points out in 'Your Call...', that the only medium with the power and freedom to criticise the powers-that-be is satirical comedy, most notable Comedy Central's 'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart'. "The popularity of 'The Daily Show...' speaks to just how absurd our cultural moment is. When only the fake news show has the license to talk about these issues in a free and frank way, things are bad. The rest of the media can't really say the kind of things that 'The Daily Show...' can say, because they would never get to talk to anybody in power again. The fact that 'The Daily Show...' doesn't depend on access to people in power gives it a much freer rein."
Like Swift, Pope and other satirists of yore, Stewart and his compadres get away with so much by couching their often-excoriating message in an humourous veneer, like Penny herself in 'Your Call...' "That's what I was counting on, absolutely. The Chinese revolutionaries had an expression, the 'bullet wrapped in sugar'. And that's how I think of comedy and satire. You make someone laugh, you catch them off-guard and you're able to slip something past them that otherwise might not get through. All the stuff in my book is widely-available information. It's not like I have a crack research team that I send out to shadowy places to retrieve secret information. Some of my reviews in North America have been like 'Well, we already know all this stuff'. Yeah, really, do you? 'Cause nobody acts like they do. You can take this information that is widely available but not necessarily widely-known - because a lot of it is not always so prominent in the mainstream press - and wrap it in some snarkiness and some insults, then maybe people will take it a different way." Comedic takes on current affairs have another advantage: the medium fits the message. "Everything is batshit insane and jokeworthy. I don't know how people talk about this stuff with a straight face... There's this great thing in Nietzsche where he says that some ideas are so disgusting that the only criticism you can make of them is to point at them and laugh. And I wish people would point and laugh more."
"But I'm not hopeful. No. God, no. Fuck, no. It works too well. There's a line in a Robert Lowell poem ['For The Union Dead', fact fans] where he says, 'A savage servility slides by on grease', and I think of that way too much." Penny holds up a recent incident as proof that matters are still on the decline. "This is one of my favourite examples, a bit too late to make it into the book, alas. (Because of course this book was impossible to finish. My editors were flogging me and pulling my hands off the keyboard and it's like 'Wait! But no - he just said this! Come on!' It just kept going and going.) I think it was in May, they'd managed to scrape together a couple of million dollars - I think it was 80 million or 30 million - of Enron money. They'd managed to find money that hadn't been plundered or looted or non-existent to begin with. And so the plan was, let's give the money to all the workers and shareholders who'd been totally reamed by the executives. One of the executives actually issued a press release, which made it on to CNN, saying, without a hint of irony, that, no, this money should go to the legal defence fund of the executives. Seriously. He actually said that. It's like killing your parents and then throwing yourself on the mercy of the court 'cause you're a fucking orphan. And what do you do with someone like that? This guy is now synonymous with scandal, Enron is a shorthand for corrupt companies, you'd think that after all the scrutiny and the pressure and the public backlash he'd realise that what he did was shitty. But he still feels hard-done-by, and he's still trying to suck more money out of the company that he effectively murdered. When I was younger I thought that maybe these people had a hard time sleeping at night. But I'm sure that they get more sleep than I do."
So there's nothing we can do? "I don't know if there's nothing we can do. We always have the right to demand better. We can be critical, we can point and laugh. [The book] is what I can do, and so I did it. But it's like punching a giant marshmallow. It's kind of tough to land a body blow to a system like this...It sucks. It sucks hard. I realise that that's not the most eloquent summation of the situation, but I think it's the most honest."
Lara Derham
 | 'Your Call Is Important To Us: The Truth About Bullshit' is out now through Scribe. |
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