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Richard CheeseAperitif For Destruction Surfdog/MRA The silhouetted figure at the piano finally speaks. "Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr Cheese. I expect you to record Vegas-style versions of popular music. I expect your band, Lounge Against the Machine, to accompany you." "Do you expect the album title to be a pun?" "Indeed I do, Mr Cheese." "Will 'Aperitif For Destruction' suffice?" "That's very good, Mr Cheese. But tell me, will there be a Guns'N'Roses song on the record?" "Welcome To The Jungle will be. It'll be one of the best songs I've recorded. The brass section will give it a kick, and we'll remain faithful to the original; though I will, at one point, whistle. And I'll ask in a very reasonable tone, 'Pardon me, do you know where you are?' You'll love it." "That's all very well, Mr Cheese, but I expect there'll be a Michael Jackson song on the album?" "Of course. I'll sing The Girl Is Mine with Stephen Hawking, and We Are The World, where I'll substitute the line 'We are the children' with 'Keep Michael Jackson away from your children'. "Will there be any other political songs?" "Indeed. Green Day's American Idiot, and a salsa-influenced take on Sunday Bloody Sunday. All the tracks I cover are treated with a degree of respect. A marginal degree, perhaps, but a degree of respect all the same." "Any last words, Mr Cheese?" "There's a very funny joke in Bel Biv Devoe's Do Me. A very talented dog in Jane's Addiction's Been Caught Stealing. And a very clever concept in Metallica's Enter Sandman." He clears his throat. "But why is this review written like a bad James Bond scene?" "I've no idea, Mr Cheese," I tell him. "No idea at all."  |
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