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 |  DinocrocDirector: Kevin O'Neill Rating: MA 87 mins Aztec International On one level, 'Dinocroc' is a shlocky monster movie with shoddy production values, dreadful acting and a script that could be kindly described as "arse". However on another level it's a profound cinematic plea for enlightened science - and, one hopes, a sobering warning for any geneticist thinking about injecting exciting new growth serums into animals that can eat them. Private research facility Gericorp is working on a new growth enhancement drug that will bring cattle to maturity in a fraction of the usual time, ensuring a shining future of beef, milk and leather for all. Of course, since cows are extremely rare in the US they're experimenting instead on the cow's closest evolutionary cousin, the crocodile (not, of course, the America-native alligator: that'd just be silly). Despite the crocodile's reputation for being placid and great with children, GeneCroc version 2.0 turns on its fellows and rips 'em to shreds. A shapely researcher watches the slaughter unfold via her heat-sensitive monitor and naturally figures that she should enter the enclosure alone to investigate. However, it all goes tragically wrong as the young beast develops a taste for scientist face and then escapes into the wild. Meanwhile, in small-town America, adorable orphaned tyke Tom Banning (Matt Borlenghi) is looking for his lost dog Lucky and encounters local dogcatcher Diane Harper (Jane Longnecker), the kind-hearted daughter of the crusty local sheriff (Charles Napier). She promises to find Lucky, and in order to get a better taste for the case she visits Tom's elder brother/guardian Michael (Jake Thomas), a sculptor who she seemingly used to go out with but drifted away from due to the inevitable pressures of sculpting and dogcatching. She hypothesises that Lucky could be on Gericorp's restricted lake preserve, despite it being surrounded on all sides by an elaborate security system of signs telling people not to enter. Somehow the plucky twosome bypass these measures and enter the restricted zone where, after yelling "Lucky!" half a dozen times, they start frolicking in the shallows. Little do they know that a drama is unfolding on the lake: Gericorp's Dr Campbell (Bruce Weitz) has just discovered the dinocrocked body of an employee and is speeding his boat to safety with the beast in hot pursuit. After some good-natured misunderstanding and a branch across the back of his head he joins forces with Team Dogcatcher and they hire Quint, sorry, Australian croc hunter Dick Sydney (Costas Mandylor) to help them kill the beast. In case we thought that Sydney was, say, Icelandic, he helpfully says typically Australian things like "I guess we'll never get to sing with the kookaburras," when Ms Harper rejects his amorous advances. He wears an Akubra for the entire film, even when also wearing a beanie. From here it's a rollercoaster ride of thrills, spills, baffling plot developments and multiple false endings as this rag-tag team comes up with a plan that's so unbelievably stupid it might just work. And then fail. Most of the actors are profoundly unmemorable, so it's good that Mandylor is there to bring up the average by overacting throughout, turning Sydney into a character that Paul Hogan would consider a bit over the top. However, the Dinocroc itself is the real enigma at the centre of the film. Not only does it grow at fantastic speed, but it also changes shape, size, colour and design throughout the film. Unkind critics could speculate that perhaps the producers sneakily asked a bunch of digital effects companies to do a test reel and then spliced them all together, but I feel that it helped characterise the beast as something Other, not of the natural world: a trope helped along by the apparent decision to composite the digital beast into each shot by using an overhead projector. Look, it's a Z-grade monster flick, but with enough friends and booze, 'Dinocroc' is a cinematic tour de force.  | |
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